The Importance of a Pity Party.

Today I had a pity party. It’s been a long week, I was so upset at my husband, fed up with my kids and overwhelmed with my work. But instead of yelling at my husband like I usually do, I finished making dinner for my family and told my husband I needed some ‘me’ time and left with a glass of wine in my hand.

Half an hour of running through different versions of what I would say to my husband (unfiltered of course) and my veins pulsing with anger with each version of my reaction, my emotions started to dissipate. I was over my pity party. I think the glass of wine, the serene view of the cloud covered mountains and maybe some moments of silence (although I can hear my middle child crying for her mother) helped a bit.

So why am I writing and telling this to you? Why not? As humans, we go through so many emotions daily, but when you throw in stressors like arguments with your significant other, your loud selfish kids and then your crazy workload, anyone can see why people have melt-downs.

We all need some ‘pity time’. It’s an allowance that every adult can have for their sanity. We tend to keep so much emotions pent-up that it eventually eats us up or we explode – usually not a pretty sight.

Imagine your emotions like a little cancer that keeps on growing. If you don’t acknowledge your feelings, you’ll suppress the anger, the guilt, the resentment – name it all. These are the kind of issues that leads to depression or worse, suicide. I hope no one ever gets to this point – if you feel that way, PLEASE GET HELP!

After my pity party, I usually ask myself these questions:

  1. Are you better?
  2. Do you still love your husband?
  3. Can you live with this or can there be a change?

And to every question and every past episode, I have always answered ‘YES.’

I went back into my house, apologized to my husband for leaving, thanked him for watching the kids and letting me have ‘my alone’ time for my ‘pity party.’ When the kids asked why mommy needed her alone time, I told them, just like any other situation if they were in my shoes – if you are upset and don’t have anything nice to say, you need some alone time to think things through and feel better. Woot – a learning lesson for the kiddos.

A ‘pity party’ is your ‘me’ time, a moment of self-reflection and a time where you can be honest with yourself. Take that pain, the anger, resentment or whatever adjectives that describes your issues – cry, scream, rant or write about it.

Pent up anger is the worse feeling ever. It’s a self-inflicting, disempowering and most deplorable thing you can do to yourself.

Part of being an adult, parent and partner is to grow, adapt and accept your mistakes or disappointments. Life is not fair, but YOU are empowered to make that decision to move forward or step away. If you can’t live with it, fix it. Everyone has a choice. Be honest with yourself and know your limits.

Today, I chose to not address my anger and resentment with my husband. During my time of reflection, I acknowledged this was my frustration with everything and not just him. I was being overly sensitive (but right) and I just needed a good old’ leave me the f* alone day. Other days, I cry it out, and some days I fight it out (not literally, but full-blown – here’s my issue with you and we need to fix it – arguments).

So, the next time you start feeling this way – take a sanity break – go for a walk, out for a drive, call a girlfriend, or cry in the bathroom – you deserve your ‘pity party’ time and everything else can wait.

~Villy

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